Blood Shines Gold Editorial – Update from a Stranger

This is a strange post for me to write, and a highly personal one, if as you read it that’s not your thing, that’s fine, feel free to click to something else and the hobby stuff will return intermittently soon.

This post is basically an explanation to why I haven’t posted in a long time and hopefully as insight for some of you too.

I’ve been gaming since Year 5, when the excellent and inspirational Mr Johnson introduced me to Dragon Quest, running Wednesday after school session for a few of the geekier students. I was 11, as pretty much as round as I was tall, and it hooked me like nothing else.

Gaming has been a constant, through school, sixth form, university and ‘Adult’ life. It has been a comfort, an escape and a refuge. Painting, playing, reading about painting, taking inspiration and ideas for the kind of gaming I wanted has kept me going in many horrible and tough situations.

Around November last year, things got hard with family stuff, work was horrible and things all over were tough. I was a relatively new dad and the word tired didn’t begin to cover it. I ground on for a few months and in January finally bit the bullet and made some big life decisions, changed jobs to be closer to my family and changed stuff for the better.

I know a few of you will be looking at this and thinking why did you stop posting in November if this is your escape route?

It’s simple; this is supposed to be fun.

I’d lost almost all my energy and enthusiasm for everything bar survival; it was as simple as that. Things I loved frustrated me, and gave me almost no pleasure. In news that stunned no-one I reached breaking point, walked into my doctors and got diagnosed with moderate to severe Anxiety and Depression.

I’ve worked hard to deal with it, although It’s a diagnosis even Zoidberg could have made, I wasn’t me, I was horrible to friends and loved ones and still regret some of my actions now. It’s a battle I’ve fought on and off for a long time, decades, but I won’t quit.

I wanted to post here for simple reasons, to say I’ve not forgotten my little corner of the Internet, to say that I’m not making any commitments, but I’ll be posting a bit more as and when I’m inspired and finally just to get this out.

And best of all, in the last few months with the support of friends and nemeses (that’s the plural right?) who were often the same people, I don’t know when exactly, but this became fun again.

And man, am I happy to have it back.

So stay tuned for Robots, Space Battles, the continuation of the Mass Effect Project and much more.

Thanks for reading.


5 responses to “Blood Shines Gold Editorial – Update from a Stranger

  1. For most people who start gaming blogs, gaming is more than a hobby, it’s a lifestyle. If there’s a phase in life where working on the latest projects feels more a duty than a pleasure, it is best to take a break. I’ve been there. The passion and motivation will always return and never cease to simmer in the back of one’s head.

  2. Glad to hear you’re back mate! Maybe we can get that second game of casual 40k done!

    Gaming and painting is supposed to be fun for all concerned, unfortunately , it isnt sometimes. I promise I’ll keep that in mind when we game again ! :p

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